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Who I Am

I was reading this post http://chelseabvdm.wordpress.com/2013/03/10/when-you-want-to-be-who-you-say-you-are/” by my friend Chelsea, Well, I was commenting on it and it turned into this! lol. My mind goes a 256 words a second! πŸ™‚ The post (which I recommend you read!) was about unfinished projects and living up to the things you say you want to do. And so, without further intro – here you go. πŸ™‚

Last year I was really stuggling with the unfinished stuff. And really stressed out with all my obligations. And then I had a talk with my mom (for about the 3,787 time) about it. She simply said something like “Em, you wanted to do all that. No one told you had to. No one is forcing you. So if you want to put some of them on hold or even throw out some of the ideas all together, go ahead. It’s part of growing up.”. I’ve believed for a long time that my mom thought I was a crazzzy immature teen who never would follow through on anything she said. (Which, if she did, I could understand!) Even if it is true, it played me like silly putty to think she thought that. So, lots of times, I’d go to bed angry that she didn’t believe in me. Other times I’d be so angry I would actually give it up. It hurt me. A lot. It’s truly been one of my biggest ‘road blocks’ as a person. I’ve had a couple of talks with her over the years, telling her I feel about this – every time I see a slightly hurt face tell me she loves me and it’s not true. While my Oma was in the hospital I had one of these with mom, and again she told me it’s not true. Except this time she added something. She said that she used to do the same thing. She’d tell everyone she was going to be this or going to do that. And she didn’t always do ‘that’ and she didn’t become a lot of ‘those’. But mom said that this is okay. And believe me, I needed to hear that!
It’s alright to make 154 (thousand) plans and not go through with them in the end. It’s all apart of growing up. It’s okay to be redirected. Because truly, in the end, even if I don’t go through with 154 (thousand) plans, those little plans led me to the big ones that I made and will make. And now, I’m okay with that. I mean, sometimes I still get really upset that I can’t keep my nose to the ground when I’m on a good scent. But still – I’ve realized with a lot of help from my awesome mom and an awesome God that I really am normal. And viewing the lives of hundreds of other young adults who said they were and then weren’t – I see that it’s okay. Really. And even though a lot of the things I said I was gonna do were good and righteous and just plain fine, I’m still learning that following Jesus is not following the little things you thought were big, following Jesus is holding His hand as He walks you on the right road. As long as your love is Jesus, every little thing is gonna be alright! (Kiss the Girl from Ariel is going through my mind.) I’m learning that the little things you want to do or decided you don’t want to do don’t make you who you are – being who you are comes from who you follow. And I want to be Emily – the one that followed Jesus.

Love you all!
Em

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