I love kids. I’m the ‘crazy’ girl who tells all her friends “I want 20 kids one day!” or “I want to have a whole orphanage full of kids!”. I really love kids.
When I was a big sister for the first time, (I happen to be a big sister 4 times over) I would squeeze my little sis as hard as I could without suffocating her. I would bounce her (maybe a little too excitedly) in her bouncy bed while singing the Awana Cubbies song (quite loudly of course), cover her with a baby blanket (making sure every inch of body was under wraps) then take it off and take her socks off and clean between her toes, (okay, okay, I know it’s gross and I thought about not mentioning that, but I decided to be real here.) tickle them and then lift her shirt and blow on her tummy and then put her socks back on, cover her with the blanket and bounce her again (and continue in that pattern). Thirteen years have passed and my love showing techniques have improved a bit I guess; I bounce a little less excitedly, sing a little softer and tuck ‘em in with a bit more patience. But I still can’t help but squeeze my five year old sister when I can’t find the words to tell her how much I love her. Each time I hold a baby I just stare at its face and try to grasp all of the secrets it holds…when I play with a toddler and listen to her speak I feel tears forming in my eyes and a lump growing in my throat. When a little boy comes and gives me a hug with that spectacular mischievous grin and those eyes just shining with boyish hilarity…I laugh and want to just snatch him up and put him in my purse (yes, I think my purse might be big enough, for your information!). Yes, I admit with no shame; I most definitely am a girl – with all the “Awww…she’s so cute!”s and hugs and kisses. Like I said, I can’t help it. God made me this way.
For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a mommy. I have this longing in me that just grows and grows with each child I meet…I want to instill love and God’s hope into each of them…I want to be able to say, when I meet the Father in heaven;
“Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless, and him that had none to help him.
The blessing of him that was ready to perish came upon me: and I caused the widow’s heart to sing for joy.
I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgment was as a robe and a diadem.
I was eyes to the blind, and feet was I to the lame.
I was a father to the poor: and the cause I which I knew not I searched out.
And I brake the jaws of the wicked, and pluckt the spoil of his teeth.”
See, that’s the kind of person of faith I want to be. And God created women to be nurturing…to build others up with our words and deeds. Indeed, that is the work of a Christian; not just a woman. But God did create in women the natural gift towant to nurture. True – many feminists of the century have been trying to indoctrinate otherwise, but they haven’t shaken me yet (and they’re not going to any time soon!). I still know that God made me to be a mother.
One of my prayers is that God will give me many children…not specifically biological children – come what may, but children I can call my own because I care for them. I want to be a foster mama, a nanny, a counselor, a teacher, an adopter…a mommy in whatever position.
But in my longing for children, I’ve realized that God has given me ‘children’ in every time of my life…he gave me 4 little sisters to pour my love and ‘wisdom of the ages’ into (LOL – sometimes I think I know it all… Workin’ on that!). I know they are my mother’s and father’s kids, but when you look at how much influence an older sibling has on the younger, then you can say I have my own ‘children’ of sorts in them.
A few years ago I lead a girl’s group I started. I called it “Forever Stars” the reference from Daniel 12:3. I had about 7 or so girls if everyone showed up…two of which were my sisters. But at about 15 years old, I had a little trouble investing in them the way I wanted to…the group lasted about 2 or 3 months. I know that some of the girls were really confused or unsure about all the ‘Christian’ I was trying to push into them. I wanted to get them out of the drama of the world, to show them they could live differently then the rest of the Hollywood followers…all I really wanted was to love on them. So I did what I could then. And now I pray for ‘my girls’ because, in a way, I still see them as mine…I see that I have a responsibility if I’ll accept it, to labor in prayer for them like a mother would. I still see most of those girls – some of them are in my Church, and I still try to love on them and treat them as sisters more than a mother, because, sometimes, more than anything, I just need my mom to be like a sister. To get on ‘my level’ so to speak. And then there are others who I realized are like ‘my children’…they are those I pray for. God has given me children to raise up in prayer.
And yet I know…I just know. God will give me the motherless and fatherless…the solitary and treasured ones. So I pray for them already. And I pray for me! Cause I sure need it if I’m going to be a full time mama someday! And I can hardly wait!